


Matters of Perspective

by holooghchan, marinoxx



Series: No Laughing Matter [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, M/M, My First Fanfic by Toys R Us, Other, a large helping of fantasizing, everyone is a bitch, guest authors! its grrrrrreat, haru and rin are hoes, i literally dont know how to describe this, makoto is in a fucking drought, not really crack but it honestly depends on your definition, ok its crack now, slow build???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4510482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holooghchan/pseuds/holooghchan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinoxx/pseuds/marinoxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru is clueless, Rin is a diva, Nagisa is the antithesis of mercy and Makoto...Makoto's situation is becoming increasingly difficult to hide. Alternatively titled, <em>What's the Matter With Makoto?</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. pink matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a oneshot based on a prompt my home skillet [putrid-mama](http://putrid-mama.tumblr.com/) sent to me on Facebook. things obviously escalated. The first chapter is short but subsequent ones gradually get wayyyyy longer and longer in length. [moudaijoubu](http://moudaijoubu.tumblr.com/) supposedly has some fanart in the works so i'll put that in the notes of respective chapters when it comes out!

          He was doing it again.

          Makoto stood in the hallway just outside the classroom, chatting animatedly with some pigtailed female first-year student who was clearly thrilled to have his attention. Haru glanced at her from the corner of his eye from the relative safety of his desk and acknowledged an unwelcome pang of resentment. It wasn't often that Makoto spoke like this with others outside their tight-knit group, but when it did happen Haru was sorely reminded he wasn't the only one who could make Makoto smile the way he was smiling right now. Haru hurriedly pointed his gaze toward the window and preoccupied himself with introspective thoughts, ignoring the violent urge to drown the bitch in the pool outside.

          What the hell was this feeling? Though he’d never met this certain first-year, he knew he didn't like her. He settled into his seat. Her face, he thought. He didn't like that look on her face as she chatted with him--with Makoto, like she'd like to know him better. Makoto had enough friends, Haru thought. Most importantly, he had Haru, and like he had always said, that was more than enough...right? Suddenly, Haru had the uneasy feeling that his status as #1 might not be so guaranteed. He ventured another peek at the scene unfolding in the hallway.

          That skank. She was still there, and Makoto was looking animated as ever. Makoto's tongue darted out to wet his pink lips and Haru's eyes grew lidded, his attention shifting to Makoto's mouth. The shape of Makoto's body under his clothes was suddenly strikingly clear, and Haru was overcome with the need to touch. He wondered what shape that lush mouth would take if he pressed his lips to it. He thought about how Makoto might taste, or how he would tense if he pressed their bodies together. He thought about drawing his fingers down the bow of Makoto's spine, thought about slipping them into the cleft under his waistband, and oh, thought about how Makoto would say, ah, _Haru-chan--_

          Haru all but threw his focus back out the window as he felt a growing hardness tent his pants. Holy shit. He really was not himself today. Shifting uncomfortably in an attempt to hide his ripening situation, Haru straightened up and turned around only to flinch when met with a familiar shade of green.

          "Haru," Makoto worried, frowning. "Are you alright?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the basis for this chapter's (and the original oneshot's) title is from frank ocean's [pink matter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOl41Oi_PtE); future chapters just follow the pattern.
> 
> come visit me as [marinoxxycontin on tumblr](http://marinoxxycontin.tumblr.com/)! send me a note or an ask or check out the art tag it's all good folks!


	2. blue matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> makoto has a problem that can't be solved in 12 easy steps.

          Itching to get away, Makoto had said goodbye to the first-year girl he had been talking to and made his way back into the classroom. She was nice and all, but he was still dying to tell Haru about that dream he’d had last night--

          Oh, but Haru was looking more rigid than usual, his lips pressed together into a hard line. Makoto had crept up behind him, suppressing a smile when he startled Haru and he jumped. Makoto felt himself flush as the heady, musky rush of Haru’s scent hit his brain.

          “Haru, are you alright?”

          Haru had looked Makoto full in the face, blue eyes lidded and glassy despite their usual cool composure. “’M fine.”

          Okay, that was strange. Makoto had let his eyes wander while he puzzled over the slight change in Haru’s demeanor. Then he saw it.

          Oh. Oh stars.

          Makoto leapt up, surprising Haru again and hastily excusing himself without an apology as he marched quickly into the hallway. Makoto loosened his tie with one hand, the outline of Haru’s erection through his slacks still clear in his mind. Was he even trying to hide it??

          He had seen Haru at full mast once before. Haru had shared his bed that, the futon out of commission with a relative sleeping downstairs. Makoto had _pretended_ to be asleep when Haru grunted and rose in the middle of the night, dick stretching out the front of his shorts, leaving the room to resolve the situation. Makoto had _pretended_ not to be ashamed as he quickly finger-fucked himself to the thought of Haru touching himself in his bathroom, stashing the dirty tissues under the bed next to his vibrator before he returned. He felt all too similar to that night, that same mixture of embarrassment and consuming need.

          Makoto pushed his way into a restroom stall and straddled the toilet, bracing himself against the wall with one arm and stuffing his shirt into his mouth before shoving a hand down his pants as he did virtually every day. He could almost feel the heavy weight of Haru’s dick on his tongue, the bristles of Haru’s pubic hair on his nose, Haru’s hands in his hair guiding his cock down his throat, up his ass.

          At the end, if Makoto closed his eyes, it didn’t have to be his own cum he was sucking off his fingers. He moaned with want and smeared it down his chin.

          Only then did Makoto notice an ominous crunch. Peeking out from his stall of shame, face still dripping with his own seed, he saw Nagisa, perched upon a sink with a cup of Jagabee in hand and eyes agleam.

          “Wow, Mako-chan,” Nagisa giggled, munching away. “Gross.”


	3. white matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> makoto's dick slips.

          “Hey, Haru-chan, riddle me this,” Nagisa quipped, toweling himself off. “What’s white, and pearly, and edible?”

          Haru turned to Nagisa with suspicion. The animated blonde had been peppering him with loaded questions for three weeks now, each worse and more pointed than the last. He set his jaw and opted for the safest route. “Fondant pearls, for wedding cakes.”

          A tight-lipped grin just about oozed onto Nagisa’s face. “Would you like to try again, Haru-chan?”

          Haru did not want to try again. Haru wanted to get back in the pool, but joint practice hours were over and it was time for the Iwatobi crew to head home.

          “Maybe we should ask Mako-chan! I bet he would know the answer!”

          Oh, Makoto might know the answer, but you couldn’t torture it out of him. Torturing Makoto, speaking of which, seemed to be Nagisa’s game these past few weeks. Haru couldn’t seem to find Makoto alone without Nagisa excreting himself from the woodwork and offering personal, unsolicited recommendations on clean and/or quiet restrooms in the vicinity--recommendations that always seemed to make Makoto squirm with discomfort. Actually, this trend started right around the same time Nagisa began with the inappropriate--

          Something suddenly clicked in the back of Haru’s head. Nagisa knew something Haru did not. Haru considered that he might not even want to know.

          Well, whatever it was, Makoto wasn’t telling. To say Makoto was avoiding him was an overstatement, Haru decided, but he was definitely keeping more distance than usual. Not that Makoto wasn’t great to admire from a distance--far from it, he admitted, punching down his libido--but Haru wanted him back. He did have a crush, after all.

          Haru swiveled away from Nagisa without a reply and set off in search of Rin, who had mentioned earlier he wanted to talk. Rin probably just wanted to bitch about his flame with Yamazaki again. Haru wondered what Yamazaki would say if he knew Haru knew about his dick of mass destruction. No wonder his pants bunched up so much in the front.

          Pointedly ignoring the caution sign labeled _Wet Floor_ , Haru deftly rounded the corner to the locker rooms and crashed into Makoto, who smacked his head on the wall and yelped as he promptly slipped on the slick tile. Haru shot a hand out and grabbed Makoto firmly by the arm, forgetting his own wet feet and lurching together with Makoto toward the ground.

          On top of Makoto, Haru’s first instinct was to inspect the damage, carding his fingers into Makoto’s hair and massaging the tender spot where he hit his head. Cradling the arm Makoto fell on with his free hand, Haru looked down at him. _Are you okay?_

          Makoto was intact. He looked petrified, yeah, but otherwise fine. Good.

          Haru shifted between Makoto’s legs in relief and felt an excited twitch near his loins. He chanced a glance down and witnessed the fruit of Makoto’s raging hormones in the flesh.

          Makoto squeaked as his hips spasmed and--

          Haru slowly looked up at a beet-red Makoto, unable to keep his eyebrows from knitting together or his mouth from falling open.

          _Did you just. Jizz on me?_

          Just like that, Makoto was in hysterics, spluttering as he shoved Haru off and scrambling to his feet a distance away.

          “I’m s-s--I d--I ne--I-I d-didn--” Makoto was managing, tearfully. Haru just stared at him. Dimly, he wondered what kind of face he was making. Wait, was his mouth still open? Next thing Haru knew, he was on his feet, and Makoto was at the end of the hall, wailing apologies over his shoulder as he made his escape.

          Haru smoothed a hand over his eyes, remembering himself. Shit. He probably should have given Makoto some kind of signal to indicate that no, he wasn’t horrified, just a little surprised, and didn’t actually think he was fifty kinds of fucked-up.

          Whatever. He’d check up on him later. Where the fuck was Rin?

 

+++++

 

          Alone in the showers, Makoto buried his head in his hands as he uncovered the sticky white mess in his swimsuit, trying desperately not to cry. It wasn’t his fault. He’d already had that hard-on, had been hurrying back to the shower room to get rid of it before anyone could see, and then when Haru had to fall on him like that, his nipples hard from the cold air and rubbing against Makoto’s sensitive chest--

         Makoto barely stifled his anguished scream as his boner returned in full force. This was wildly inappropriate. Haru definitely wanted nothing to do with him, thought he was disgusting without a doubt, and yet still he--

          Makoto made up his mind then and there while he was still lucid. He would be winning his restraint back from his libido if it killed him. He turned on the shower and took himself in hand, mind clouding with lust; this was the last time he would lose control, he thought. Thumbing his slit, he remembered the way Haru had felt, wet and heavy between his legs. Makoto licked his lips. Yeah. This was _definitely_ the last time..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the nastiest of the nast.
> 
> dont forget to visit me [on tumblr](http://marinoxxycontin.tumblr.com)!


	4. grey matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was written by [holooghchan](http://holooghchan.tumblr.com/), which is great, cause before this i literally had no discernible plot. 
> 
> we now set the ball rolling. it is quite explicit. betaed by yours truly.

          “Wow, Yamazaki-senpai, you’re so fast!”  Nitori exclaimed as he ran over to meet his senior who had just set a new personal best.

          “Don’t be so surprised, Ai,” Rin said nonchalantly as he walked up, putting his hands on his hips. “Sousuke is fast at _a lot_ of things.” The corners of his mouth stretched back, unveiling a maniacal grin. “Right?”

 

+++++

 

          “Shit!” Sousuke hissed in the locker room at the conversation that happened just 20 minutes prior, slamming his fist on his thigh. _It’s all_ his _fault,_ he thought.  Rin never seemed to be in the mood to have sex, so when Sousuke had entered their room a month ago to see him dolled up in a black leather police uniform, he had jumped at the opportunity. But as Rin had pinned him to the bed and ground his dick into Sousuke’s crotch, all hope was lost.  He came in three seconds flat, achieving the only personal best he _wasn’t_ proud of. Rin spied the dark spot on Sousuke’s grey sweatpants and began laughing so raucously that Sousuke had to change his clothes and leave in shame, aimlessly wandering around campus until eventually spending the night in Mikoshiba and Nitori’s room.

          Since the incident, Sousuke had used up all the pride he had left to get Rin in bed, only to be humiliated one way or another with some sort of sick joke; last time, Rin had grabbed a stopwatch halfway through their heated make-out session to see if Sousuke could “break his record.”

 _Goddammit._  The more Sousuke thought about Rin, the more he got mad; the more he got mad, the more he wanted to fuck him into submission. He wanted to see Rin crying underneath him as he drove into his asshole. He wanted to hear Rin beg for it, only to shut him up by shoving his cock down his throat, feeling the guttural vibrations of Rin’s gag reflex, sharp teeth raking his shaft to the very tip…

_Shit. I’m getting hard._

          Just before Sousuke could slip his hand down the front of his suit, he heard the splash of another shower turning on across the locker room. He let out a small chuckle in disbelief and changed into his clothes, shutting his locker. Bag over his good shoulder, he made his way to the exit, glancing at the intruder before stopping dead in his tracks. The shower along the back wall on the right was occupied by none other than Iwatobi’s captain, Tachibana Makoto.  And, judging by the jammers around his knees, slouched posture, and heavy breathing, a shower wasn’t the only thing he was attending to.

 _Fuck it_ , Sousuke thought. He set his bag atop one of the benches and slunk up behind Makoto like a snake hunting its prey.

          “Where’s Nanase?” Sousuke murmured in Makoto’s ear, not giving a fuck that his clothes were getting soaked in the shower, not giving a fuck that someone could walk in at any moment, and not giving a fuck that he was about to cheat on his boyfriend, because quite frankly, it had just been too fucking long.

          “A-ah! Sousuke-san! I-I didn’t—I’m sor— “

         Sousuke stifled Makoto’s apologies with his lips.  After a few struggled kisses, his tongue was received well in the captain’s mouth.

          “Don’t talk,” he breathed when they finally broke. “Get on your knees.”

          Surprisingly, Makoto followed his orders obediently, lowering himself to his knees and staring at Sousuke’s bulge inches from his nose. He looked up almost eagerly, reminding Sousuke of a dog waiting for his master’s command so he could get his reward.

          “Suck it,” Sousuke commanded. Makoto tugged at his drenched clothing, unleashing Sousuke’s member from its prison and letting it slap his cheek. He quickly chased the tip and covered it with his mouth. 

          The heat of Makoto’s mouth was a sharp contrast to the cold water beginning to flow from the showerhead. Sousuke craved that heat; he grabbed the brunette’s soft locks and began fucking his mouth. The moans he elicited from Makoto only intensified Sousuke’s pleasure, his thrusts growing faster. Makoto, who had grabbed Sousuke’s ass for balance, took his right hand and massaged his own ass until slipping a digit or two inside, finger-fucking himself.

          Sousuke was close; so close that he could feel all his energy traveling straight to his dick. He had shut his eyes at some point, and when he snuck a peek at the boy on the ground, a flash of red snagged his attention from the corner of his eye.

          “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” Rin shrieked, making Makoto choke, Sousuke hauling out of his mouth. He stood in the doorway of the locker room, eyes overflowing with tears and right hand clutching the shirt at his chest. Rin slowly stepped back as Makoto stuttered, shivering in the now-cold water of the shower.

          “You asshole,” Rin muttered under his breath before making a break for the exit.

Fuck.


	5. green matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haru gets a rude awakening.

          “And then I caught him with his dick in someone else’s mouth,” Rin’s voice echoed around the small room. Haru sighed and lowered the speakerphone volume on his cell.

          “Rin--”

          “I didn’t mean to ditch you like that but I had to decompress. He wouldn’t be okay with me creeping around, let me tell you that. He’d throw a fucking fit. I hate him.”

          “I told you he was going to cheat on you if you kept that up,” Haru said, shifting and watching the bathwater swirl around his knees.

          “And how would you know that?!”

          “Because that’s what I would do.”

          “Yeah, well, you’re a dick. Both of you are,” Rin grumbled.

          Haru opted to voice his disagreement with silence. He could hear Rin moving around on his bed through the line and distantly wondered where Yamazaki must be sleeping tonight. Not that he really cared.

          “And you’re a liar, too. You’d never cheat on Makoto.”

          “Makoto and I aren’t dating,” countered Haru calmly. “It’s different.”

          “So you say. You get jealous enough, could have fooled me,” Rin shot back. Haru paused as he remembered the first-year from a few weeks prior and pursed his lips in renewed annoyance. He sank down into the bath and held his breath as long as he could, only resurfacing when his lungs were close to bursting. Rin was calling for him.

          “I don’t get jealous,” Haru said, tersely. “And we don’t have that sort of relationship.”

          “Give me a fucking break. You like him.”

          “I never said that.”

          “Alright, let me ask you this--don’t you fucking go underwater again Nanase, this is a phone, people talk on it. Say Makoto came up to you and said he wanted your pipe right up his candy sugar-coated ass. What would you tell him?”

          “Makoto wouldn’t say that,” Haru protested, rolling his eyes.

          “Shut up. What would you do?”

          “I’d say that if he wanted to touch me then he should just do so.”

          “You’re an idiot,” Rin groaned, sounding exasperated. “And hopeless.”

          “Look who’s talking,” Haru snapped. Rin always managed to get a rise out of him. “What the hell do you know? I’ll hang up.”

          “Calm your shit. I’m just saying you need to go out and get yours before somebody else jumps on it.”

          That was too suspicious to ignore. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Haru demanded, narrowing his eyes at the receiver.

          “Who the fuck do you think was eating Sousuke’s dick?”

          A full minute of radio silence.

          “Haru?” Rin tried. “You still there?”

          “WHAT,” Haru seized the phone bodily, switching it off speaker, “WHAT.”

          “What do you mean, ‘what’?”

          Haru lunged at his window, pulling the curtains aside and ignoring the water sloshing over his bathroom floor. Makoto was outside his family’s house at the bottom of the stairs, swinging his siblings around as they laughed. Haru chickened his neck to the side and gripped the curtains close to his head to avoid being seen. “ _You don’t mean-?_ ”

          “Why are you whispering? I MEAN I walked in on Makoto Kittens and fucking Daisies Tachibana with my boyfriend’s PENIS down his cock-hungry throat--”

          Haru flinched so hard that Makoto spied him, pointing at his window and getting both his siblings’ attention.

          “ _Haaaaru-chaaaan!_ ”

          Haru turtled underneath the window at lightning speed, nearly dropping his phone in the bathwater and accidentally batting it into a puddle.

          “FUCK,” Haru said.

          “What is that noise--what the fuck are you doing? Did you just cuss?!” Rin cried, overly enthusiastic. “Are you crying? Send me a selfie!”

          “Why wasn’t this the FIRST THING YOU MENTIONED,” Haru hissed, retrieving his cell.

          “Sousuke is my priority,” Rin said simply.

          “Did you... _talk_ to Makoto? About it,” Haru managed. This was way more conversation than he was used to. His throat actually might be a little sore after all of this. Distantly, he heard his back door slide open. Dammit, Makoto.

          “No,” Rin snapped. “I want to punch him in his stupid Ken doll face. And he wouldn’t want me _at all_ involved in you guys’ love life. I think he might still be jealous of that thing we had in middle school.”

          “We didn’t have a _thing_ ,” Haru said, exasperated. He locked the door to the bathroom, just in case.

          “Come on. We had a thing.”

          “You _thought_.”

          “There was a thing, that’s why you were so squirrelly when I came back on break. Not that I can blame you. I’m a fucking catch. Tell Sou that when you see him next.”

          “Rin,” Haru intoned as quietly as he could. Makoto’s heavy footsteps reached the bathroom door. Shit, shit, shit. If Haru saw Makoto right now he was just going to see Sousuke’s balls in his mouth. Intrusive thought of the century.

          “Haru? Are you in there? Who are you talking to?”

          “Is that Makoto? Is he in your house?!” Rin was enjoying this way too much for comfort.

          “NAKED,” Haru called, and it was true for once. All his jammers were in the wash.

         “That’s not gonna work, Haru, you’re just gonna encourage him,” Rin tittered. Haru rolled his eyes and ignored him until the rattle of the handle made him jump. He gaped at the quivering knob in disbelief. “He’s trying to get in, isn’t he? What did I fucking say?”

          “Why is the door locked? Are you alright? Let me in,” Makoto’s worried voice drifted inside.

          “Crocodile tears,” Rin said. “He wants to see the D. Manipulative, I tell ya.”

          “ _Shut up,_ ” Haru clenched out. Makoto started to knock, voice jumping up an octave.

          “I-Is someone in there with you? What are you doing? Haru-chan?”

          “I bet you think about him calling you that when you touch yourself in the bath,” Rin teased. Damn Rin. It was all true.

          “G...Go downstairs, I’ll be out in a minute,” Haru tried, shooting for a normal tone. “I’ll make some tea.” Makoto shuffled around outside for a moment before heading downstairs. Haru briefly considered his chances of escape. The bathroom window would offer great odds, if it weren’t a two-story drop to the pavement. “Rin. I’m hanging up.”

          “If there are some branches by a window you could shimmy down a tree,” Rin suggested. “Like a soggy little chipmunk.”

          “Bye.”

          “Text me what happens,” Haru heard Rin say before hitting END. He stood in the center of the bathroom for a minute before returning to the tub to finish his soak. Makoto was just going to have to wait.


	6. black matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was written by another member of my crew who shall be known as She Who Shall Not Be Named. let's see if i can convince her to let me link her here.
> 
> reality and fantasy are difficult to separate.

          Makoto waited downstairs for Haru, guilt crushing him, worry twisting his insides and making him feel nauseous. He wondered if Haru knew about him blowing Sousuke already—if Rin had phoned him and told him the whole story, or if Makoto would have to tell Haru himself. He would probably want to know every detail and Makoto would be forced to relay the encounter.

          Makoto groaned and sunk to the floor, embarrassed at how good it had all felt. He wouldn’t tell Haru that, though. And he especially wouldn’t tell Haru how he had imagined Haru’s dick inside his mouth as he had sucked Sousuke, or how he had imagined Haru’s fingers twisting inside him slowly as he had finger-fucked himself at the bottom of the shower. He was staring up at the ceiling from the tatami mats, willing his growing erection to fade. He hadn’t noticed how tired he felt. He could feel himself drifting off when he heard footsteps. He looked up in surprise at the boy standing in the doorway.

          “Haru-chan _,_ ” Makoto breathed, instantly feeling his face flush in shame.

          Haru walked slowly to the floor where Makoto lay, the brunette sitting up in a hurry to hide the unwanted aftermath of his fantasies.

“I think we should talk,” Haru said.

          Makoto’s stomach turned, his head buzzing horribly with dread. “Sure.”

Makoto’s cellphone vibrated suddenly in his pocket, interrupting their conversation.

          “Hold on,” Makoto said, reaching for his phone, using his other hand to hide his hard on. “Sorry, it’s my mom. Give me just a second?” He watched Haru’s face as he gave a soft nod. His mom’s cheery voice filled the receiver.

          “Hi, mom,” Makoto said, “Yeah, everything’s good here.” He glanced at Haru, who sat on the edge of Makoto’s bed, silent and motionless. “Yeah, the kids are outside, playing. No problems. I’m at Haru-chan’s house now. Oh, you’re at the store?”

Makoto answered his mother’s questions robotically, trying not to give away his uneasiness. If Haru knew already about Sousuke already, Makoto might have ruined every chance he had with Haru. Maybe he could beg for forgiveness—plead Haru to understand. But he was afraid of the rejection. He was afraid of losing not only the boy he loved, but his lifelong friend. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but his mouth felt parched.

          Makoto’s mom started talking about upcoming dinner plans and Makoto sighed, giving Haru an apologetic glance, but his heart sunk as he watched Haru rise off the floor, mouth tight and bangs in his eyes. Makoto started to follow Haru, but Haru caught Makoto’s shoulder in a firm grip, gently pushing him back down. His mom still chattered on the phone as Makoto watched in question while Haru balanced between Makoto’s knees, his eyes down.

          “Haru-chan?” Makoto whispered, covering the microphone with his hand, “What are you…?” He trailed off as Haru reached for the buckle on Makoto’s jeans and opened the button his pants.

          “Haru?!” Makoto’s face turned bright red as Haru moved past his zipper, his long, willowy fingers releasing the boner under the soft fabric of his boxers. His mom must have heard something because she asked if her son was alright. “Ah, everything’s fine, mom! No, it’s nothing…” His heart had begun thumping loud in his chest. “Haru—“

          He glanced up at Makoto through his bangs and the brunette swallowed hard, whispering, “Look, Haru, um, my mom is—“

          Haru down again, interrupting Makoto’s thoughts. “Just ignore me.”

          _“What?”_ Makoto hissed, desperation in his voice, “Uh, yeah, mom! I think we already have that!” He forced a laugh, fighting to keep his voice level as Haru pulled out Makoto’s dick from under his boxers. The wildly building excitement he felt caused it to harden further, pulsing with heat and stretching towards Haru’s face. Haru inspected the tip with his fingers before grazing the tender skin with his tongue.

          Makoto nearly jumped, waves of shivers running up from his toes to the top of his head. He held the phone tighter to his face, “Uh—yeah, I bought bread yesterday.” Haru twisted his tongue around the dick in his right hand, wetting the shaft while pushing Makoto’s knee away with his other hand.

          Haru looked up once more at Makoto, who stared down at him, eyes wide, heart racing and face burning. Something crossed his face—a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth; a slight tightening in his eyes—before he tipped his face back down and all Makoto saw was the black of Haru’s hair.

          “A-aah, yeah, yeah… uh, I think we already have that, too, mom…“ Makoto gasped, his penis disappearing into Haru’s mouth, being tightly wrapped between his tongue and cheeks. Haru’s mouth was soft and swallowed him with wanting vigor. Makoto’s head was swimming, an overwhelming warm and flooding sensation at the back of his skull that reached over his ears and numbed his tongue.

 He could feel himself growing harder and hotter, his dick throbbing and filling with lust. He could feel the ridges of the roof of Haru’s mouth massaging him. He could feel the hollowness and suction of Haru’s throat, swallowing him deeper. It all was building perfectly and chaotically and it dawned on him as his body began to ache pleasingly that he was going to come.

          “Yeah, uh, yeah. I mean—no, I don’t think so, uhh…” Makoto couldn’t keep this up much longer. The pressure in his head was increasing as Haru’s mouth moved up and down on him. He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t. “Mom, I have…”

Finally Makoto couldn’t speak anymore, but his mom questioned him on the phone. He pulled the receiver away from his ear as his head tipped back. He could hear her saying his name but there was a ringing in his ears while Haru stroked him. Consuming heat rushed to his dick in delicious waves.

          “Makoto?” Haru whispered over his dick, glancing up at him curiously when Makoto hung up on his mom.

At that moment, Makoto peaked, shooting white streams over Haru’s hand. It tainted his jeans and stuck in Haru’s black hair. Makoto pulled his head up, moaning softly, getting visibly embarrassed once again. But Haru smiled at him softly, Makoto’s load glinting on his face.

“Haru-chan…” Makoto breathed, and he reached a hand towards Haru’s chin to pull him closer. His lips looked raw and swollen after sucking him, and Makoto felt the overwhelming desire to kiss him.

He was just breathing in Haru’s scent when he was shaken awake, and his eyes opened reluctantly to find Haru freshly clothed and finally out of the bath.

“Makoto,” Haru said.


	7. yellow matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keitai mail is an essential method of communication.

          Haru languidly pulled his clothes on a full twenty minutes after hanging up on Rin. He had lowered himself back into the bath to relax and figure out a plan for dealing with Makoto, but also to waste time in the hopes that Makoto would get bored of waiting and leave before they had a chance to meet. But as Haru descended the stairs, he could clearly see the curves of Makoto’s body on the floor beside his kotatsu. Damn, he was still here. Haru came closer to get a better look.

          Oh. Makoto was asleep. Haru leaned over the table to watch him. Makoto was so cute when he was sleeping, and the way his cheeks flushed made Haru suspect he was having a particularly good dream. Makoto’s parted lips looked inviting, enough to make Haru think of kissing him, even knowing where they’d been the previous week. He’d kissed Makoto in his sleep once, during one of their sleepovers, so Haru knew they were sweet-tasting and soft.

          Tempted as he was, the image of Sousuke’s ballsack was still swimming in his head. Haru withdrew into the kitchen, returning with hot tea in Makoto’s favorite yellow mug and setting it down on the kotatsu as he gently shook Makoto’s left shoulder.

          “Makoto,” Haru said. Makoto’s eyelids fluttered open and he blinked blearily at Haru before sitting up with a jolt.

          “H-Haru,” Makoto stuttered. He looked flustered.

          “Tea,” Haru said, and looked pointedly at Makoto’s cup. Makoto sheepishly pulled it closer, but didn’t take a sip.

          “Sorry I fell asleep,” Makoto mumbled.

          Haru let silence hang between them for a moment, delicately adjusting the string of the teabag in his own mug. He sipped his tea and contemplated the flavor before turning the full force of his gaze upon Makoto. “Makoto.”

          “Yes?” Makoto sounded uncertain.

          “Is there something you want to tell me?” While in the bath, Haru had made up his mind to get this over with as quickly as possible.

          “No,” Makoto squeaked.

          Haru intensified his glare over the rim of his cup. “Are you sure?”

          “A-Actually,” Makoto said, jumping up, “I was just checking on you, since I saw you in the window, a-and I’m supposed to meet Kisumi after lunch, so I should really be going, right now.” Haru’s eyebrows came together into a single well-groomed line as Makoto looked anywhere but at him. Haru stood as Makoto started to retreat backwards into the hall, bumping into a corner as he went. “So I have to, um, leave, but thanks for the, uh, tea--”

          “Makoto,” Haru said again, but he was already out the door, shoes on the wrong feet. Normally he would be upset, but now he was irrationally angry. Haru whipped out his cell and sent Rin a quick text.

 

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:37PM

_makoto is meeting fuckumi after lunch. find out why._

          Haru retrieved Makoto’s untouched mug from the kotatsu and returned to the kitchen to make lunch and wait. Not two minutes later, his phone buzzed. Haru snapped it open, expecting Rin’s reply, but instead was met with a high-res photo of Nagisa’s pale dick.

 

          To: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:39PM

          _nagisa what the fuck_

 

          From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          Time: 12:40PM

          _sorry your contact is right above rei-chan. oopssss ;) <333_

          Haru took a moment to glance at the recipient list of Nagisa’s dick pic before deleting it forever. He had the distinct feeling it would show up again in his nightmares.

 

          To: penguin_boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:42PM

          _why. did you send that to makoto_

 

          From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          Time: 12:44PM

          _to make him uncomf ;)))) did rin tell u about him gobbling cock??_

 

          To: penguin_boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:44PM

          _rin needs to keep his mouth shut_

 

          From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          Time: 12:45PM

          _i caught him jerkin it in the school bathroom a couple weeks ago <3 hes blossoming into a beautiful sticky butterfly~~ i noticed he hasn’t been wearing socks lately theyr probly all stiff lol_

 

From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          Time: 12:51PM

          _haru-chan u there?? omg did i upset u?? im sorry ;-;_

 

To: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:52PM

_im gonna take a shit ttyl_

 

From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          Time: 12:52PM

_haru omfg_

         

          Haru cocooned himself in his comforter until only his eyes were visible. Could it be that Makoto was some kind of sexual deviant? He thought of Makoto swinging Ren and Ran by the arms earlier that morning. He wanted to see Makoto. He didn’t want to see Makoto. He wanted to talk to Rin. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Haru stared at the bare wall for what seemed like an eternity until the familiar chime of Rin’s ringtone resounded throughout his room. He held the phone to his ear, voice muffled.

          “Rin.”


	8. red matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rin and sousuke engage in deep conversation.

          Rin closed his phone with an energetic snap. Haru better get back to him with full details. He probably wouldn’t, though. Haru only texted people when he wanted something. Stone fucking cold. Rin pursed his lips.

          He couldn’t deny that he wanted a bit of revenge. Haru probably wasn’t going to let slip about the incident in the showers, so Rin could always blackmail Makoto with telling Haru even though he already knew. He didn’t know how Makoto would respond to that, though. Makoto, though made of gingerbread, always seemed to have the thinnest and fakest patience when it came to Rin. Rin definitely suspected it was because of the tryst Haru swore never existed, but it might also involve the fact that Rin and Haru harmonized better in duet karaoke. But that was none of Rin’s business.

          Rin decided that he might feel better after teasing Nitori for a bit and strode out of the cafeteria to put on his tightest, most ass-hugging red pair of jeans. Sousuke had wisely been sleeping elsewhere for the past few nights, and so far had managed to avoid Rin in classes, in the bathroom and when retrieving fresh clothes. Smart guy. Sousuke was pretty resourceful, didn’t screw up often, and Rin had figured that he would be avoiding him, so when he opened the door to their room and saw Sousuke standing there wrist-deep in his sock drawer, he was a little surprised. Sousuke seemed to mirror his sentiments.

          “Uh,” Sousuke said.

          Rin quietly locked the door behind himself and walked up to Sousuke, smiling sweetly. Sousuke took a cautious step back. “I was wondering when you’d come back.”

          “I, uh,” Sousuke cleared his throat, “yeah.”

          Rin ran an adventurous finger down Sousuke’s chest and pinched one of his nipples through his shirt. “I was looking forward to it.” Son of a bitch was wrapped around Rin’s little finger. He tipped up his chin and gave Sousuke his most smoldering gaze as he dragged his fingers farther south.

           Sousuke looked uncertain. “You were?”

          Rin continued to smile as he slipped his hand under Sousuke’s waistband and took full hold of his dick. “Mm-hm.”

          Sousuke raised his eyebrows and took hold of Rin’s waist, massaging his hipbones with his thumbs as Rin planted kisses down his jaw. “So. Does this mean you forgive me?”

         Rin rested his cheek against Sousuke’s neck and reveled in the brief moment. “No,” he declared, and sank his teeth into Sousuke’s fucked shoulder just as he crushed his dick in a deathgrip. Sousuke emitted a most satisfying, strangled yell just before Rin stomped on one of his stocking feet. Rin let him fall howling to the ground.

          “RIN,” Sousuke begged, reeling in pain. “PLEASE BE REASONABLE.”

          Rin advanced on him, enjoying the way Sousuke crawled away from him on his hands and feet like a giant bara crab. “If you want reasonable you should fuck Makoto. Oh, that’s right. YOU DID.”

          “LISTEN TO ME,” Sousuke besought. “I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. I COULDN’T LET YOU KEEP FUCKING WITH ME LIKE THAT--” He dodged as Rin chucked his alarm clock at his head and picked up a stapler.

          “YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO CHEAT ON ME!” Sousuke dove under the closest desk to avoid Rin’s assault. Rin boxed him in with a chair and climbed atop, jumping up and down and slamming his feet into the wood above Sousuke’s head. Relentless, he persisted with more fervor when Sousuke screamed. “YOU WEREN’T! SUPPOSED! TO FUCK! FUCKING! MAKOTO! I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS TO SUCK YOUR DICK! _IT BELONGS! TO! ME!_ ”

          “I’M SORRY,” sobbed Sousuke. “I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN! IT’S YOURS! MY DICK IS YOURS!”

          “I’M GONNA KILL YOU,” Rin screeched as Nitori started banging on the door, “I’M GONNA KILL YOU AND SHRINK YOUR HEAD LIKE AN AMAZONIAN!”

          “Rin-senpai?!” Nitori cried, jiggling the handle. “Yamazaki-senpai?! Are you all right?!”

          Rin felt his energy suddenly wane as Nitori continued pounding on the door, slumping into a sitting position upon the desk before sliding off and collapsing on the bed in a boneless mess. Sousuke peered out from his sanctuary under the desk.

          “Rin? What are you doing? Are you still mad?”

          “Shut up,” Rin groaned.

          “...Rin?”

          “What.”

          Sousuke scratched his head awkwardly. “Do you wanna have angry sex?”

          “Not right now,” Rin said. “I need a minute. Could you just...get rid of Ai?”

          Sousuke crawled from beneath the table and made his way to the door, unlocking it and opening it a crack. Rin could see a sliver of Nitori’s anxious face underneath Sousuke’s armpit.

          “Hey,” Sousuke drawled, playing it cool. “We were, uh, playing. Charades. Rin gave himself a headache. He needs to rest now. Leave.” Rin marveled at Sousuke’s dearth of charisma. Lucky for him he was smokin’ hot.

          “Um, okay, if you say so,” Nitori started, flinching when Sousuke tried to shut the door in his face. “Wait!”

          “What do you want,” Sousuke deadpanned.

          “Um,” Nitori stammered nervously. “Um. I have a package for Rin-senpai from Ryugazaki-kun. Could you give it to him?”

          Sousuke grabbed the box from Nitori and slammed the door unceremoniously, striding over to deposit it on Rin’s stomach. Rin peeled back the paper to reveal a new pair of glittering ruby earrings. Sousuke watched him swap them with the studs already in his ears and pull out his phone to check himself out. Rin turned his head back and forth admiringly in his reflection.

          “Fabulous,” Rin whispered. Sousuke cleared his throat.

          “Why is Ryugazaki giving you jewelry?”

          “I showed him how to curl his lips over his teeth for blowjobs,” Rin replied smoothly. “I’m an expert.”

          “I thought I was the only one that got to give you jewelry,” Sousuke muttered, glaring at the earrings.

          “I thought I was the only one who knew what your dick tasted like.”

          Sousuke dropped into bed next to Rin, dragging him closer by the waist as Rin tried to scoot away. “Babe. Please.”

          “Don’t ‘babe’ me,” Rin hissed. “Fuck off. I should dump your ass.”

          “Okay, I know I fucked up,” Sousuke started, pausing to catch Rin’s fist before it made contact with his face, “and I’ll never do it again, promise, but you need to stop playing your little games with me like that’s what you wanted me to do in the first place. And you need to stop saying you’re gonna hook up with Nanase and Nitori just to piss me off, that shit ain’t funny.”

          “You’re still on that? You’re so jealous,” Rin grinned as he looked over his shoulder. “Haru isn’t even DTF.”

          “You told me he gave you a handjob on winter break in middle school.”

          “I lied to make you bitter,” Rin confessed. “Don’t tell him I said that, either, he’ll be so pissed.”

          “Alright,” Sousuke said, skeptical. “What about Nitori?”

          “No, Ai is definitely DTF but I’m not into twinks like that.” Rin rolled his eyes. “Come on, Sou.”

          “Fine,” Sousuke yielded, a little too easily. Rin arched an eyebrow as a hand palmed his backside.

          “I shouldn’t even give you any ass after what you pulled, dickweed,” he spat, rolling his hips into Sousuke’s palm even as he said so. “You don’t deserve it.”

          “No,” Sousuke admitted. “Call me dickweed again. I liked it.” Rin rolled over and threw a leg over his hip as Sousuke cupped his ass again and purred into his clavicle.

          “Dickweed,” Rin moaned. “Asshole. Ugly fucking douche.”

          “Angry sex?” Sousuke inquired.

          “Yeah,” Rin agreed, “but let me check my phone first, Haru texted me earlier.” Sousuke let go and he rolled away, retrieving his mobile from the floor where it had fallen.

          From: betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 12:37PM

_makoto is meeting fuckumi after lunch. find out why._

 

          “Heh,” Rin smirked, opening a new message. He didn’t even have to ask.

 

          From: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: sir-hoops-a-lot@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 1:13PM

_Heard you’ve got a hot date after lunch. Secret rendezvous??_

 

          “Who are you texting?” Sousuke was looking impatient.

          “Kisumi,” Rin replied. “Hold on.” Kisumi’s reply came thirty seconds later.

 

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 1:14PM

_haha what?? who told you?? It’s totally innocent, just gonna shoot some hoops at my place. Don’t tell haru tho >;P_

 

          Yeah, right. Rin was already dialing Haru, ignoring Sousuke sulking beside him. Haru answered on the third ring.

          “Rin.” He sounded like shit.

          “Haru? Are you drunk?”

          “...Nagisa told me he caught Makoto masturbating at school.”

          Rin started laughing so hard he almost choked. Sousuke slapped his back until he caught his breath enough to continue. “It’s always the fuckin’ quiet ones, Haru, I swear to God. He’s just horny and hormonal, you don’t have to cry about it.”

          “I’m not fucking crying.”

          “Whatever. I texted Kisumi. He said it’s innocent, but not to tell you about it. Whoops.” Rin shrugged, jostling Sousuke, and heard Haru sit up. Must be taking a nap.

          “Meet me at the station.”

          “What?” Now this was something Rin could get excited about. “Are you gonna crash their date?”

          “It’s not a DATE,” Haru snapped. “Bring Yamazaki’s tennis racket.”

          “How did you know about Sou’s tennis racket?” Rin wanted to know, but Haru had already hung up. He turned back to Sousuke, who quirked his eyebrows. “Yo. I gotta go.”


	9. purple matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no.

          Makoto realized, sitting alone on that empty local train, that mentioning his visit to Kisumi’s to Haru had probably been a bad move. Makoto liked Kisumi. There weren’t many people Makoto didn’t like. But Haru? So much as mention his name and Haru was an iceberg. Makoto had never been able to figure it out, chalking it up to bad chemistry. Still, Haru was probably sitting alone fuming in his home, and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Makoto also felt guilty for having a wet dream about Haru in Haru’s living room, but well, at this point that couldn’t be helped. Besides, he was on his way to do something about all of that, wasn’t he?

          He thought about the last time he had been on this particular route as he gazed at the passing scenery. Rush hour, he remembered. He’d had a letter to mail at the post office, and there had only been one seat available when he and Haru boarded the train. Makoto flushed as he remembered how Haru pulled him down into his lap and held his hips tight, the rolling of Haru’s thighs with the movements of the train simulating those of sex. A bead of sweat gathered at Makoto’s temple, slipping to his chin. He imagined Haru licking it off, dragging the flat of his tongue over Makoto’s cheek.

          “Mm,” Makoto sighed, spreading his knees. Oh yeah. He could almost feel it. He was already rock hard, feeling the ooze of precum into his briefs. It was time to escalate the fantasy. Haru was suddenly behind Makoto, forcing him over the seats in the train and yanking his jeans down, rutting his cock between his asscheeks. “Ah, yeah, Haru-chan, like that,” he gasped, grabbing his erection. “Fuck me good, Haru, ooh--”

          The lone elderly woman seated in the adjacent reserved seats jumped up and sprinted to the next train car as fast as her arthritis would allow. Makoto froze, dick in hand, mortified as the dividing doors slid back into a closed position. He hadn’t even noticed her sitting there. Oh stars, did she live in his neighborhood?! Makoto sat on his hands for the remainder of the ride, rushing off the train at his stop--deliberately avoiding the woman’s eyes when he ran into her again on the platform--and ran the short distance to Kisumi’s house to work off all the tension he just built up.

          Outside his destination, Makoto remembered his cell, heavy in his pocket with an unread notification. He had felt the vibration on the train, too nervous to check his mail, expecting a message from Haru demanding answers. Makoto sighed. It could be important. Maybe Haru needed something. He flipped open the phone and opened a text from Nagisa with a photo attachment, squinting at the pixels for all of ten seconds before the content fully registered.

          The image of Nagisa’s genitals seared into his retinas, Makoto’s next reflex was to punt his mobile at the shingled wall of Kisumi’s house, promptly cracking the glass screen with a mighty smack.

          Oh, no. Haru had picked out this phone with him. Tenderly retrieving his phone, Makoto grieved over the damage, tears spilling over and landing on the flickering radiance of Nagisa’s pasty schlong. His mourning was interrupted by a polite cough.

          “Should I come back in a few minutes?” Kisumi’s purple eyes sparkled in the afternoon light. Makoto hastily scrubbed at his face.

          “No, no I’m okay,” he insisted, stashing his cell. “Is it alright if I come in?”

          “Sure,” Kisumi said, opening his front door and giving Makoto a rather intimate once-over. “I’d love to see you come. In, I mean.” Makoto beamed Kisumi a grateful smile before stepping past him over the threshold. Did something just touch his butt? He scratched the offended patch of skin without thinking. Oops. Hopefully Kisumi wasn’t looking at his ass, haha. Definitely not.

          “Sooo,” said Kisumi, taking the lead and showing Makoto to his bedroom. “Do you want to sit and have a glass of water first, or did you want to head straight out to the court? I’m looking forward to licking your ass. I mean, kicking your ass. Heh.”

          “A-Actually,” Makoto fidgeted, “I kind of lied about wanting to play basketball. There’s, um, something else I wanted to ask you.”

          “Makoto _lied_?” Kisumi craned his neck toward Makoto with interest. “Well, there has to be a good reason for _that_. Do tell.”

          “Are you...” Makoto faltered, chickening out halfway. He flexed his fingers shyly as Kisumi got a little closer, examining him from all angles with a sly smile. Makoto gulped. “Are you... a virgin?”

          “No,” Kisumi affirmed smoothly, confident as ever. “Why?” Makoto blushed down to his toes.

          “Because I am,” he said haltingly. “And I--” he licked his lips, “--was hoping you could help me.”

          Makoto remembered a man that had won a million yen on the local news last night. From the look on Kisumi’s face, he could have won two million. Kisumi raised a single, spun-sugar eyebrow, voice smooth as syrup. “Are you trying to seduce me, Makoto?”

          “I don’t know,” Makoto hesitated. “I guess?”

          “Hold on,” interrupted Kisumi, though his grin didn’t waver. “Rin told me about how he caught you and Sousuke. Are you sure you’re a virgin?”

          “Y-Yeah,” Makoto retorted, a little offended in spite of his embarrassment. “I haven’t...done the actual thing, yet. It’s different!”

          “All this time I thought you and Haru were off freestyling it up,” Kisumi said. “You know, swinging from the chandelier and shit? Christening the pool?”

          Makoto clenched up at the thought of Haru sexing him in the pool. File that under things he ‘won’t’ be thinking about next swim practice. “Well, um...we’re not?” _Yet_.

          “Oh. Well,” Kisumi drawled, “I don’t really care. I’m down to take that V-card off your hands, if you’re...still offering.”

          Makoto stepped forward into Kisumi’s space, blood rushing to his groin as he felt Kisumi’s strong hands under his ass. “Please.”

          Kisumi took one look at Makoto and wasted no time in pulling him down into his desk chair, spreading Makoto’s knees so he was straddling his lap. Makoto moaned and rocked his hips forward when their erections touched, grabbing Kisumi’s wrist and guiding it under the back of his waistband. Kisumi wasted no time in massaging his entrance, biting his lip when it quivered under his touch and bucking his hips teasingly. Makoto set to work undoing their pants, groaning as his own erection sprang free of his fly, still within the confines of his briefs. He was about to pull those aside too when Kisumi cleared his throat.

          “How about a kiss? Since we’re already in each other’s pants?”

          “Oh, right,” Makoto said in revelation. “Sure.” He reared back and gathered up as much saliva as he could before pressing his mouth to Kisumi’s and forcing his lips open with his tongue. Kisumi immediately gagged, slobber everywhere.

          “OH MY GOD,” Kisumi shouted. “OH MY GOD, MAKOTO!”

          “Was it good?” Makoto beamed, drool seeping out.

          “No!” Tears streamed from Kisumi’s eyes. “What the hell?! Are you trying to drown me?!”

          “But _Cosmo_ said--”

          “Why the fuck are you reading _Cosmo?!_ ” Kisumi cried. “Why do you know how to suck a dick but not how to kiss?!”

          “I thought it was a good effort, at least,” Makoto pouted, crossing his arms.

          Kisumi took a moment to recollect his bearings. “No, alright, okay,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Let’s start over. I’ll teach you, yeah? Get rid of the rest of that spit. Great. Ready? Lesson number one. Put your lips like this.”

 

+++++

 

          “You never told me how you knew about Sousuke’s tennis racket.” Rin gave Haru a curious look from the corner of his eye. Haru shrugged it off, slipping his train ticket into the turnstile.

          “You mentioned he was doing some tennis to build the strength back up in his shoulder. Obviously he must have a racket.”

          “Alright,” said Rin, following Haru toward the exit. “That brings me to question number two. Why do you own a baseball bat?”

          Haru considered the steel bat in his left hand, giving the taped grip with a quick squeeze. “My dad used to play. Left this when he and my mom moved out. Not that it’s any of your business. Which way is his house?”

          “This way.” Rin took the lead, guiding Haru into the neighborhood. “We’re not killing him, right? You know I’m not tryna be some guy’s prison bitch.”

          “No,” replied Haru ominously. “I won’t allow him the liberation of _death_.”

         Rin turned his eyes toward heaven. “Okay, whatever. Question number three. You sure you wanna keep hunting this booty? Like, really not having any second thoughts here?”

          Haru regarded Rin in suspicion. “What are you implying?”

          “Come on, Haru. You know.”

          “I really don’t.”

          “I’m just saying you need to run some sexual risk assessment, is all. You have no goddamn idea where Makoto’s ass has been. Who knows what kind of shit’s been up in there? He might have some...you know?”

          “No. What?”

          “Venereal disease?” Rin offered, instantly jumping back when Haru wound back a fist. “HEY, I’m just being real. You’re my hunty, I don’t want you getting some rainbow fucking cock warts. Gotta keep the dick clean if you know what I mean. The only reason we’re even fuckin’ here is ‘cause Makoto’s a slut.”

          “He’s not a fucking _slut_ ,” Haru fumed, walking faster. “He’s naïve and _impressionable_. We’re _here_ because _Kisumi’s_ a fucking slut. Makoto is an angel.”

          “Bet you a thousand yen they’re diddling by the time we get there.”

          “Fine, hope you’ve got the cash.”

          “Actually, Kisumi really can be a little promiscuous.” Rin scratched his head. “Sou and I had a pretty lively threesome with him last Christmas. I had to remind him not to go ass to mouth. Boy’s a freak.”

          “Sounds like you’re the slut with cock warts,” Haru muttered.

          “I am _sex-positive_ and I use a _rubber_ ,” barked Rin. “I’m not some traitorous cock goblin like your little boyfriend in there. I only let him put the tip in.”

          “Whatever. Have fun with your warts.”

          Rin jumped up in front of Haru onto Kisumi’s stoop. “Look,” he decried, exposing himself. “Do you see any warts? Because I don’t see any warts.”

          “Rin, what the f--”

          “Go on, take a good look,” Rin cried, gesturing with Sousuke’s racket as he thrust his penis into the air. “Feast your fucking eyes, Nanase! TAKE A GOOD FUCKING LOOK!”

          “Put that shit away, Rin, I don’t wanna see your fucking firecrotch!” Haru yelled, shielding his eyes. “Someone’ll call the fucking police, what the hell?!”

          “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Rin gloated, buckling himself back in. “Go on, let ‘em call the cops. Only crime I’m guilty of is being this goddamn hot.”

          “Shut up,” Haru groaned, chancing a peek between his fingers and was flooded with relief upon seeing that Rin was decent. “Are you ready or not?!”

          “Yeah, yeah.” Rin waved the racket at Haru again and tried the door. “Sweet as, it’s not locked. We got a game plan?”

          “Rescue Princess Peach,” Haru said simply, brushing past Rin into the house and looking around. Rin bustled into the next room, swiveling his head.

          “Do you hear that?” he asked doubtfully.

          “What?”

          “Sounds like someone’s watching a porno.”

          Haru listened for a moment, then walked off toward the back of the house in search of the source of the noise. Rin trailed close behind, racket at the ready as Haru pushed open a door and discovered Makoto playing tonsil hockey in Kisumi’s lap. Rin moved in next to him and the two of them watched Makoto grind down into Kisumi as the latter moved a hand further into the back of his jeans. Makoto’s perceived halo disintegrated before Haru’s very eyes.

          Rin whistled loudly. “Looks like you owe me some money, fishboy.” Makoto, jerking around at the sound of Rin’s whistle and finding Haru’s eyes on him, screamed and fell out of Kisumi’s lap.

          “HARU?! Wh...What are you doing here? It’s not what it looks like, swear!” Haru ignored him.

          “You remember that text I sent you last week?” Haru rumbled, stepping over Makoto’s legs and raising his bat, eyes glinting. “The one you pretended not to see?”

          “Yeah,” whispered Kisumi, frozen in the chair, eyes glued to the bat.

          Haru towered over him. “You remember what it said?”

          “Uh. I think it was your bimonthly threat, something about ‘stay away from Makoto or I’ll break your fucking bones’? And then a little dolphin emoji with some waves?”

          “That’s my sig,” Haru replied, “and I’m gonna break your fucking bones.” Haru whipped the bat down on Kisumi’s thigh with a nauseating crunch. Rin cackled and joined the frenzy, jumping in with the tennis racket as Haru beat a shrieking Kisumi out of his chair.

          “NOT THE DICK,” Kisumi squawked. “NOT THE DICK!”

          “Get his dick,” Haru ordered. Rin lobbed the racket so it cartwheeled into Kisumi’s defenseless groin, then helped Haru kick Kisumi in the ribs as he reeled in anguish. “Keep kicking him,” said Haru, straddling Kisumi’s chest and pressing the handle of the bat to his throat with two hands.

          “No,” Kisumi struggled as it pressed into his trachea. “NO!”

          “I told you to stay the hell away from my man,” Haru pressed their faces closer together. “SHOULD’VE STAYED AWAY FROM MY MAN!”

          “HARU, STOP!” Makoto wept from the corner.

          “What happened to, ‘we aren’t gonna kill him’?” groused Rin as Kisumi went limp. Haru slapped his face a couple times to make sure he was out.

          “He’s not dead, he’ll wake up eventually. See, he’s breathing again. What a pain in the ass.”

          “Wanna hit him some more?” Rin nudged Kisumi’s leg with his foot so it bent at an unnatural angle and gave him one more kick, just because.

          “It’s no fun if he’s not awake.” Haru wiped the blood off his bat with Kisumi’s shirt before stepping over to Makoto.

          “Haru,” Makoto moaned, Kisumi forgotten. “The way you swing that bat is so...aggressive.”

          “Shut up,” Haru said, shoving his arms under Makoto and trying to lift him with modest success.

          “Your legs!” Rin called as he struggled. “Lift with your legs!” Haru finally heaved Makoto into the air and tottered out of the house with his prize, Rin trailing behind.

          “Mm, Haru,” Makoto sighed once they were on the street, squeezing Haru’s bicep. “I didn’t know you could pick me up.”

          “Didn’t I tell you to shut up? Why are you so fucking heavy?”

          “I want my money,” Rin insisted, tapping Haru on the shoulder. “Put your hoe down and get my money.”

          “You can’t call me that,” protested Makoto. “Haru, tell him he can’t call me that.” Haru chose to remain silent.

         “Hey, hoe,” Rin said. “Reach in his back pocket there and hand me his wallet. I gotta get what’s rightfully mine.”

          “You’re such a golddigger,” Haru complained. “How the hell is Sousuke going to afford you?”

          “He said he’ll get a job on a crab boat.”

          “Haru!” Makoto tugged on his shirt. “You don’t really think I’m a... a hoe?!”

          “I didn’t thirty minutes ago,” Haru grumbled.

          “Haru! I said I can explain!” Makoto was trying his best puppy eyes when Haru dumped him on the grass outside the train station and fished out his wallet. Makoto eyed his movements warily.

          “You will explain,” Haru said as Rin snatched a bill from his fingers. “We’re going to discuss this. You and me. Completely.” He leaned down, hands on his knees. “Baring it all.”

          Makoto gulped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more. let me know what you're thinking


	10. orange matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Here comes the train,” said Haru, inserting his penis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had days upon days with nothing else to do to write this and kept coming up blank. Then, miraculously, at 4:00AM when I had a hundred pages of sociolinguistics readings, I was struck with inspiration. Enjoy this lovingly crafted, apparently penultimate chapter.

          It was past 5 o’clock by the time they reached Haru’s house, Makoto noted. His mother would be expecting him for dinner soon, though a reliable escape route had yet to be seen. Haru was keeping quite a close eye on Makoto even as Rin continued to distract him with less-than-savory details about he and Sousuke’s relationship. Haru clearly wanted him to leave, but Rin was either oblivious to Haru’s glares or simply choosing to ignore them. Haru, having backed Makoto into a corner, stiffened once again as Rin’s ringtone _Hard in Da Paint_ blared for the umpteenth time.

          “Would you put that shit on silent?” Haru clenched out. “Is it even music?”

         “It’s Waka Flocka,” Rin replied, making himself comfortable at Haru’s kotatsu. “You wouldn’t know.” Haru’s face was so pinched it looked like an anus. Rin imitated the expression as he flicked open his phone and activated the speaker. “Hey, Sou.”

          “I called you eight times,” Sousuke muttered petulantly. “Why didn’t you call back.” Haru threw up his hands at the sound of Sousuke’s voice and stormed off into the hall, Makoto forgotten.

          “I was on the train,” Rin said as Makoto slid into a sitting position across from him. “What did you need?”

          “My shoulder hurts.”

          “Your shoulder always fucking hurts, Sou, don’t be such a little bitch,” Rin barked, fixing his hair with his pocket mirror.

          “Okay,” Sousuke agreed. “How was the smackdown?”

          “Boring. He didn’t even die.” Makoto peered at Rin, concerned.

          “Sorry. I packed you a snack.”

          “Ooh!” whistled Rin, dumping his bag on the table and fishing out a little orange Thermos and a baggie full of animal crackers. “Mm, yeah, Sou. Looks like I’m in order for a little trip downtown tonight.” Sousuke made a self-satisfied noise on the other side of the line.

          “Can I have some?” Makoto asked politely.

          “You can fucking starve,” Rin spat before shoving a fistful of animal crackers into his maw. Makoto forlornly watched as Rin made to wash them down with a draught from his Thermos. He savored the taste for a brief moment, then spewed the entire mouthful into Makoto’s alarmed, open-mouthed face.

          “What the fuck is this disgusting shit?!” Rin screamed as Makoto spluttered, dripping with beverage. “I thought it was milk tea! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!”

          “It’s almond milk,” Sousuke mumbled.

          “ _’Almond_ _milk’_?!” Rin shrieked. “What the fuck is _almond milk_?! How the fuck do you milk an almond, Sou?!”

          “You don’t _milk_ them, you--”

          “You think I’m gonna fall for your bullshit?! It looks and tastes like rancid semen! You trying to poison me again?! Poison me with fucking semen tea!?!”

          Makoto quietly withdrew his handkerchief and mopped at his face as Sousuke tried to convince Rin of the realities of almond milk. “Babe, please. I would never poison you. It’s lacto-vegetarian, I thought you were into that stuff.”

          Rei burst through the front door before Rin could retort, conveniently seizing the chance to make an appearance at the last possible moment.

          “Rin-san. Makoto-senpai,” Rei panted. “Nagisa mailed Haruka-senpai my nudes to rate them on an aesthetic scale of one to ten. This is unacceptable and I must delete them before he has the chance to opine. Do you know where he keeps his cellular device?”

          Makoto cleared his throat as Rin stared blankly at Rei. “I don’t know where Haru’s phone is right now,” he admitted, “but I think Haru went upstairs. You could probably just go ask him.”

          “Many thanks,” said Rei before bolting up the stairs. Rin hung up on Sousuke brusquely and slid the Thermos of almond milk across the table to Makoto, who graciously accepted the contribution.

          “Listen, Sheila,” Rin began, leaning back against the wall. “I got a steak to slice with you. So pay attention, ‘cause I’m only sayin’ this once.”

          “Wait,” Makoto interrupted. “Are you calling me Sheila to insult me in the Sheila-is-a-girl’s-name way, or are you calling me sheila to insult me in the I-speak-Australian way?”

          “I don’t know, Makoto, why don’t you figure it out?”

          “Why are you such an jerk?!” Makoto exclaimed. “Who hurt you?! What the heck happened to make you so unpleasant?!”

          “Oceania changes a man,” Rin muttered, “but we’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you, and how you like to give brain to people’s paramours sans discretion. Specifically, _my_ paramour.”

          “Oh, fig jigglers,” Makoto cursed.

          “Yeah, fig jigglers is right, you brown sugar little shit,” Rin said, leaning back in. “Haru might be here today but he’s got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. And it’s a colonoscopy, so all day he ain’t gonna be around to save your toned ass. Unless.”

          “Colonoscopy? Does he have a polyp?” Makoto worried, distracted. “I keep telling him he should eat more fiber, but he won’t listen. Maybe I can get him to use those dissolvable tablets.”

          “Bitch! Shut up! Are you even listening?!” Rin’s face was nearly as red as his hair. “If you don’t want to end up bruised like Kisumi back there, you’ll pony up to my fuckin’ provisos, alright?!”

          “Okay,” Makoto assented. “I don’t really think you have what it takes to beat me up, but okay. What do you want?”

           “Not much, just the password to Haru’s remote desktop connection, which I know you know. And then I’ll forget about the whole cluster.”

          “Why would you want that?”

          “Could you just text it to me,” Rin answered with a withering look, “and not ask me any dumbass questions?”

          “Um,” Makoto dithered, composing a new text message. “I don’t really remember which, but I think was either my birthday or my name in Roman letters. Or maybe it was my suit measurements? Haru said he wanted it to be something he wouldn’t forget, so...”

          “Whatever, just send them all,” Rin cut in, impatient. “Miss Haruka and I need to have a conversation about him being so damn whipped. It’s high time I get a helping of all that special treatment.” He settled back into position against the wall as Haru descended the stairs, counseling a very aggrieved-looking Rei.

          “Don’t look so wounded,” Haru was vexing. “Eight out of ten is a solid B.”

          “I don’t understand,” lamented Rei. “I _extensively_ studied the methodology of beautiful photography.”

          “Beauty is irrelevant,” Haru mansplained, blinking slowly. “Be pragmatic. The recipient of your sext doesn’t give a fuck about aesthetics. They want to count the hairs on your dick, not squint through some shitty iPhone filter. Harsh fluorescent lighting is your better option.”

          “I see,” Rei murmured, mulling it over.

          “Take it or leave it,” Haru continued seriously, “but I’m right. I’ve sent Makoto a couple nudes, ask him.”

          “What?” Makoto verbalized. “I thought you just wanted to show me the new mirror in your bathroom.”

          “Peekaboo,” said Haru.

          “Oh yes, Rin-san?” Rei piped up, spying Rin eyeing Makoto across the table with disgust. “Nagisa said to let you know he has your ‘stuff’ and to tell you it’s ‘the good shit,’ accompanied by this gesture.” Rei contorted his face into a grotesque wink and gesticulated with his thumb and forefinger the universal sign for ‘OK.’

          “See, this is why I fucks with Rei,” Rin grunted, heaving himself up and scattering his animal crackers. “My home biscuit. Always has good news.”

          “Um,” Makoto blinked owlishly as Rin rose. “I sent it...did you need anything else?”

          “That’ll do, pig,” Rin shook his hair free as he exited the house without so much as a goodbye. “That’ll do.”

          “Excuse me,” Rei said politely, retrieving his shoes and taking his leave in Rin’s wake. Haru turned to Makoto as the door slid shut, eyes tight. Makoto flinched.

          “I’ll be in the boudoir when you’re ready,” Haru offered stiffly, and made his way back up the stairs.

          Makoto made it ten minutes before getting lonely and following him up. When he opened the door, Haru was in the bathroom pantsless, running the water for another three-hour bath.

          “No no no!” Makoto rushed over, shutting off the pipe. “I’m here!”

          “Nagisa told me you were masturbating in the school bathroom,” said Haru, breezing back into the bedroom. Makoto trailed after him apprehensively.

          “Yes,” he affirmed, wringing his hands. “I do that often.”

          Haru spun around. “I also heard you sucked Yamazaki’s dick.”

          “I don’t do that so often,” confessed Makoto, backing away as Haru advanced on him.

          “And now I’ve found you in Dickumi’s lap. Care to explain?”

          “I,” grimaced Makoto, “...have a problem.”

          “I’m gonna need more than that,” Haru sighed, terminating his advance. “Elucidate.”

          “It’s like, a sexual problem?” Makoto tried when Haru continued to stare at him.

          “A sexual problem.”

          “I kind of have a, very robust libido--” Makoto gulped when Haru’s expression failed to change-- “and I’ve just been uh, trying to manage it?”

          “When you say robust,” Haru probed, “do you mean robust like a robust tomato sauce, or robust like a robust wine?”

          “If wine could be ruthless and unyielding,” responded Makoto, “then I would say the wine.”

          “Okay,” Haru nodded slowly, digesting this information. “And so you turned to Yamazaki and Kisumi. For...release.”

          “Reprieve, actually,” Makoto coughed, wincing at the double entendre.

          “Yamazaki and Kisumi,” stated Haru. “Not me.”

          “Well.” Makoto frowned and scratched his jaw. “I figured you wouldn’t, ah. Want to?”

          “Do you want to know what I think, Makoto?” Haru pressed, stepping forward again.

          “I don’t know, Haru-chan,” Makoto answered honestly, moving back and feeling his calves hit Haru’s mattress. “Do I?”

          “I think you need to stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to,” Haru asserted.

          “Yeah, probably,” Makoto said, looking off into the distance.

          “I’m still talking about me, Makoto,” Haru clarified. Makoto yelped as Haru shoved him backward onto the bed. “I’m referring to myself.”

          “Wait, but--” Makoto gasped as Haru pushed his knees up to his chest, “I thought you wouldn’t want to though?”

          “Does it feel like I wouldn’t want to?” Haru asked, and pressed his erection to Makoto’s taint.

          “Oh raspberries,” Makoto moaned.

          “I want your honest opinion,” Haru deadpanned, grinding his dick in little circles. “Does this feel like an eager yes or an honest no?”

          “How long have you been hard?!” Makoto cried. “I didn’t see--”

          “Since just a second ago,” Haru interrupted, pulling off Makoto’s pants and getting nude. “Anyway, here’s the plan. We’re gonna have sex, and then you’re gonna have a nice long soak while I sip your bathwater. Sound good?”

          “Yes,” Makoto breathed as Haru pressed him into the mattress and whipped out the Astroglide.

          “Great,” hummed Haru. “Now count with me. One little piggy went to market.”

          “One little piggy stayed home,” gasped Makoto as a second finger invaded his ass. “One little piggy had roast beef.”

          “And one little piggy had none,” Haru confirmed, readying his thumb. “And one little piggy cried, aahhhh, alllll--”

          Makoto yelled as Haru’s entire lubed fist conquered his anus. He took a moment to calm himself, sweaty now from the exertion of the annexation.

          “This is how you do it, right?” Haru questioned as he prodded around, traces of doubt tainting his voice.

         “I mean, that’s what _Cosmo_ said in the Valentine’s issue,” Makoto gritted out. “The editor dubbed it something like Thunder Fist.”

          Haru examined him closely. “Are you properly stretched?”

          “Yes,” Makoto replied in defeat. He heaved a sigh of relief as Haru extricated his arm from his pelvic floor. If he was lucky, he would make it through all this without a prescription for nitroglycerin cream.

          “Makoto,” Haru worried. “We can take a break, if you want.”

         “No, put it in me,” Makoto enjoined, hooking his knees over Haru’s shoulders. This was the culmination of his training. His entire life was leading up to this moment, the climax, the zenith, the whyfor of all his preparations--

          “Here comes the train,” said Haru, inserting his penis.

          “Oh, hellfire!” Makoto had the audacity to shout as he was impaled. “Fuck me hard, Haru!”

          “Makoto.” Haru glared as he commenced thrusting. “Language.”

 

+++++

 

          Two minutes later, Makoto found himself trapped under Haru’s dead weight, basking in the glow of postcoital bliss.

          “I’ve never come that fast before,” Haru slurred into Makoto’s stomach.

          “Me neither,” Makoto said to the ceiling.

          “You clenched down on my dick like a vise.”

          “Yeah,” agreed Makoto, already snoozing. Haru blew a raspberry into Makoto’s stomach, jolting him awake.

          “Don’t fall asleep. Tell me a secret.”

          “Uh,” Makoto started. “Okay. What’s the one thing we wear the same size in?”

          “Shoes,” mumbled Haru. He had feet like fucking Michael Phelps.

          “Right,” said Makoto. “So, sometimes, I steal your shoes and wear them while I masturbate. It kinda turns me on.” Makoto could distinctly feel Haru blinking against his stomach as he laid there in silence.

          “Oh. Alright,” Haru finally acceded. “I guess that could be hot.”

          “Do you wanna go do the bath thing now?”

          Haru snuffled into Makoto’s belly button. “Yeah.”

          It was only when Makoto pushed himself up on his elbows, forcing Haru’s nose into his crotch, that he noticed a green light flashing from across the room.

          “Haru?” Makoto asked. Haru merely grunted in response. “Did you leave your webcam on?”

          Haru rolled over and squinted at his desk.

 

          New Message

          From: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: s0u.na.jinbeizame@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Cc: fuwafuwa-makoto1097@newad.co.jp, penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp, betsu-no.haru@newad.co.jp, purple.mountain-majistrei@newad.co.jp

          Time: 5:53PM

          Attached: sextape.mp4

 

          _i got harus remote cxn pass hahahhahaahahhaa the last 2:09 of makotos virginity is attached for your viewing pleasure. xo_

          From: purple.mountain-majistrei@newad.co.jp

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 5:58PM

          _WHAT IS THIS???_

         

          From: penguin-boii0801@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 6:02PM

          _young pharaoh. look at this god body. god bless_

         

          From: s0u.na.jinbeizame@rocketmail.ne.jp

          To: shark.week97@rocketmail.ne.jp

          Time: 6:03PM

          _holy shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys have been keeping your eyes peeled for the colored objects that correspond with the chapter titles. We have one extra color left and upon request by my beta putrid-mama, IT WILL BE AN EPILOGUE.
> 
> Tell me anything you desperately want to see in the final installment either in the AO3 comments or on Tumblr (marinoxxycontin). I might put it in if it's good.


	11. drunkmatter.docx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, scant readers. It's been a while. Like, months. What is the clusterfuck below, you ask?
> 
> May I present drunkmatter, the UNEDITED epilogue I poorly wrote, increasingly drunk off my ass at 10pm alone in my friend's apartment. It's awful. I actually had pressure to post this as the epilogue itself, without explanation, but whatever. It also has spoilers for Part 2 (see end notes), but who gives a fuck. You don't have to read it. You didn't have to read any of this, and yet here we are.
> 
> Godspeed.

          “Hey, diddle, diddle,” said Makoto. “Looks like your dish ran off with your spoon.”

         “Put the goddamn cutlery back, Makoto,” Haru hissed. “The waitress is here.”

(I AM NOW DRUNJK)

          “I’ll just, uh,” the waitress hesitated, “give you boys another few minutes.” The watress sashayed away and Haru turned to look at Makoto more closely.

          “Why are you wearing a wifebeater anyway?” Haru said suspiciously. “You trying to look masc or something?”

          “No,” said Makoto. “The rest of my blouses have cumm stains, is all. I thought you liked the Slavic look anyway.”

          “I do,” lied Haru. “It’s just that the look isn’t complete without Gucci sweat bottoms.”

          “Hey bitches,” Nagisa said as he rollesd up to the booth. He switched off his ridiculously and vewry douche hoverboasrd with his left foot as he said so. “What’s poppin?”

          “Excuse med sir,” said the maître d. “You can’t bring that snake into the establishment.”

          “This is my ball python,” said Nagisa. “Her name is Hillary, Don’t you know whom I am?”

          “/itt’s a health hazard, sir,” contested the mmaitre d. “I can’t alow it.”

          “Fine,” snapped Nagisa, “take it. I’ll jusy buy another. Hilary the Second. But the conditions of her confiscation are as follows. You must make mre the finest of snake stews,”

          “Isn’t tha a little unethical?” asked Makoto.

          “Shut your playboy mouth,” retorted Nagisa. “I’m too rich for this.”

          “Where’s Rei”?” Haruka inquired. “Wasn’t he sypposaed to be accompanying you?”

          “He’s in the little girl’s room,” Nagosa answered. “He will return shortly. His concealer smeared while we were doing blow in my parent’s Volkswagen. German-made baby.”

          “All righrt. Where’s Run? That musty bitch owes me three thousand yen,” Haru bitched, “I bought him an epilator last week, he promised he woulsd pay me back today but I haven’t seen his pasty Aussie ass since I phoned him on my keotai.”

          Rei silently slid into [lace in the booth nexto to Nagisa just as the waitreses conveniently returned. “You boys ready yet? I see yoou’ve multiplied,” the waitress sneered.

          “y’ALL got milk?” inquired Rei.

          “You mean like,” said the waitress, “cow’s milk?”

          “Why yes,” said Rei. “Sometimes I like to have a bit of the old gyuunyuu.”

          “All right,: said the waitress. “I’ll check with the chef.”

          “Before you do,” interrupte Jaru. “A tall cool glass of water fotr me.”

          “And me,” tacked on Makoto. “With lemon. Don’t bother rinsing it off.” The waitress left without taking Nagi’sa’s drink order.

          “That’s fine, said Nagisa passive aggressively. “I wasn’t thirsty amyway.”

          “You guys like music?” interjected the maître d.

          “Why are tyou at your table?” demanded Haru. “We don’t knoe yyou.”

          “Well,” Rei pondered. “Sometimes I like to hear a bit of the Ludwig Van,”

          “Indeed.” Nagisa managed to say while chewing on his napkin. “I like to hear the Ludwig Van while I enjoy a bit of the ultraviolence”

          “What do you know of ultraviolence?” postured Haruka. “I am he most uraviolemt lt at this tab;e. Just ask Fuckumi.”

          “That’s not his name,/” corrected Makoto.

          “Silemce, swine,” commanded Rei, “Senpai-sama is speaking.”

          “I’ve arrived with your drinks,” announced the wairess, whose name was also Hillary. It was probably a fake name. “Have you decided what you would like to ear?”

          “Swell I don’t see gow we could have, since you were only gone forty seconds,” Makooto pointed out astutely, “but I was considering the sralmon alfredo.”

          “Whatever kind of spaghetti you have on kono menu,” deliberated Rei, “I would like a gluten -free version please and thank you.”

          “Tortellini,” stated Nagisa.

          “I’ll have the fish samdnwuch,” Haru calm;ly said, closing his menu.

          “Really, Haru?” Makoto complainied, “we’re all getting nivcw niice pasta and you choose fucking finger food?”

          “Dom’t forget whose cock was up your ass Lst night!” Haru shouted. “We both know who trult wears the trousers in this relationship!”

          “Coming right up,” the waitress deadpanned uninteresyedly. she then walked away. Rin showed his mug a few minutes later.

          “You guys order yet?” Rin ejaculated in with his slimy little voice.

          “Yes,” said Haru. “you were lAte. you wwere late. you were late”

          :I was using the epilator you bought me in preparation for my exciting night tonight with Sou,” Rin said as an excuse.

          “I didn’t buy it for you ,” Haru cried. “You said you would pay me back.”

          “I lied,” Rin confessed.

          “Hey, Run.” Nagisa said.

          “Tha’ts not my name, Rin corrected.

          “I know,” said Nagisa. “I just call you that because you smell like the skid marks in my underwear, which only happen when I have the Runs, which sound like your nae a littlee bit, and that’s the reason.”

          “Naru hodo,” said RIn.

          “You a crustry bitch,” Haru accused.

          “Yeah,” agreed Makoto. “Crusty bitch.”  

          Nagisa interrupted before Rin could retort. “Oh yee Rin. I saw on Facebook yu got A tattuu.”

          “I did,” Rin said, though he was a still a piece of chickenshit.

          Haru squinted at him. “I didn’t see any tattoo while we were in the public bath th other day.”

          “That’s because I got it on my gooch,” Rin clarified.

          “Your gooch,” haru stated. more out of disbelief than misunderstanding.

          “Yes,” confirmed Rin. “My gooch. My taint. My undercarriage.”

          “You musty bitch,” muttered Haru-chan.

          “Yeah,” agreed Makoto. “musty bitch”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say this was going to be an epilogue of sorts. And I did start writing one, but it's really fuckin long, incomplete, and needs to be split into multiple parts, so I'm taking a stand against my better judgment and am making this a loosely-defined "series" and will post those epilogical parts as the Part 2 to MoP's Part 1. Which, I will link right [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6534739/chapters/14949559), when I've done it, which will be shortly.
> 
> Thanks for coming and as always come visit me or my nasty art blog on the Tumb!

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me as [marinoxxycontin on tumblr](http://marinoxxycontin.tumblr.com/)! send me a note or an ask or check out the art tag it's all good folks!


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